The Things I Never Knew….
Each day I learn something interesting from the adoption forum that I belong to. Just recently we were discussing how older adopted children often come into their new families with cultural stereotypes and prejudices that are completely unique to the region that they were raised in. Even though I know this is very true, it was so interesting to read about some of the specific stories that families have encountered and had to help their children overcome.
This was a catalyst for me thinking about things that I truly did not know before I began the adoption process. None of my thoughts are profound or complex either. I think many of those may come in the years that are to follow.
Things I never knew about adoption:
1. I never knew that it would take so long. Really.
2. I never knew that I would become the paperwork queen in my house.
3. I never knew that I would begin noticing every sign, book, picture, and commercial looking for multi-cultural families to be represented.
4. I never knew that I would start seeing adoptive families all over the place and feel an immediate like of them.
5. I never knew that I would argue with the local bookstore cashier when he negatively asked, “Why do you even want a book like that?†(referring to pictures of children from all over the world).
6. I never knew we would begin practicing Aramaic in our house.
7. I never knew that people in my own extended family would not be thrilled about the idea.
8. I never knew how expensive postal stamps could get.
9. I never knew that I would do so much garage sale shopping for boy clothes.
10. I never knew that there would be moments of doubt or discouragement when I saw friend’s birth babies or complete adoptions and my arms where empty- even though we started our adoption long before their pregnancies or adoptions.
11. I never knew that I would grow tired of filling out grant applications and finally give up.
12. I never knew that watching a father’s heart develop in my husband would be so special and attractive.
13. I never knew that our story would touch so many lives.
14. I never knew that I would get into baby-wearing and make my own Mai-Tei carrier.
15. I never knew that my beautiful brown son would help a 65-year-old man admit to and overcome his own prejudices even before they met.
16. I never knew that I would worry about annoying my adoption agency due to all my questions.
17. I never knew that I could be so completely vulnerable and so peaceful at the same time.
18. I never knew that I would be secretly wondering when we could start the process again!
I am sure that this list could go on and on. In fact as soon as I submit it I will no doubt think of ten more things!
We are getting ready to release a really good podcast that features the Coco Family. The podcast is serious and the Coco’s talk about things that they did not know to expect their first year after bringing two older kids home. The podcast is pretty heart touching because this family admits to feelings of anxiety and uncertainty of the decision that they made to adopt, but they are able to shed light on the how time brings a sense of normalcy and happiness to their home.
The lessons in adoption are not always easy, especially those that are unexpected.
My next lesson: learn how to bring a bouncing one year old home from Ethiopia by myself!
Any suggestions?!
August 15th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
It was hard for some people in my family too. But, not really the ones that I expected it to be hard for. That is weired. I guess I thought when we told them we wanted to adopt they would be happy. Instead the major focus was on all of the concerns and negative things they have heard about adoption. The more they are learning (those that are willing) the more support we feel. We are still paper pushing for our first adoption.
My advise for plane is to give him a bottle whenever you are taking off or landing. Keep him sucking to help his ears pop. That should do it!
August 15th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Remember to not worry about what other people on the plane think. Just do your best and remember that most other people have had to deal with an upset baby before too. This helps me with traveling with my older kids too.
August 22nd, 2007 at 10:48 am
I got a sense of peace and feeling of relief when I read your blog…much like the ones that I felt the other night when Chuck and I came over to talk to you and Jason about this whole process of adoption. I so much appreciate your “realness”; how you just lay it all out there, the good and the bad, and don’t worry about what people might think. Even though Chuck and I haven’t even started this process yet, I’ve already had many of the worries that you aluded to in your blog and it’s so comforting to know that I won’t be alone and that I won’t be abnormal. Thank you so much for reaching out to us and being willing to help us feel more at ease about starting this journey. We will be praying for you as you travel to bring home your sweet baby boy! God Bless!!